


We'll Bend Till We Break

by unsaltysaltines



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I just think there's so much to do with Nicole in this situation, I swear this is my last post-garden fic, So I can't help myself, There be almost-smut here, With just a sprinkle of Soft, post-3x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 05:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19457053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaltysaltines/pseuds/unsaltysaltines
Summary: Nicole isn't ready for what happens once Waverly is rescued from the garden. She thought things would get easier, but it turns out things aren't quite so simple.Or,Nicole's been bottling up her feelings for a long time. How long until she can't hold them in anymore?





	We'll Bend Till We Break

**Author's Note:**

> SO.  
> This is what happened when I mashed a prompt from [Blankagenda](http://twitter.com/blankagenda) together with a prompt from [Deputyydipshit](http://twitter.com/deputyydipshit), and I think it didn't turn out half bad.
> 
> Also: WE'RE BACK, BABY. SEASON 4!

The night after Waverly was taken, once she’d woken up from her drug-induced slumber, Nicole went home and slept for more than twelve hours. It was probably out of some futile hope that everything would all turn out to have been a horrible nightmare, but also _definitely_ because her body needed to recover from the trauma it had physically endured.

_It’s just another nightmare,_ she told herself as she crawled into bed. _You’ll wake up, and Waverly will be there to talk you down._

Except Waverly _wasn’t_ there when she woke up. Her side of the bed was cold and empty, but her presence seemed to still hang in the air. It wasn’t until she was gone that Nicole started to realize just how much Waverly’s life was intertwined with her own.

When she first moved to Purgatory, Nicole genuinely wasn’t expecting to meet the love of her life. After the sexist nightmare that was the police academy, she was just looking for a boss who was going to take her seriously so she could get her career off the ground.

But now?

Waverly’s presence was everywhere in the house-- the mug still in the sink from the morning before she disappeared; the scent of her soap that still lingered on the sheets on the other side of the bed; the doodle of Calamity Jane that she’d stuck on the fridge to make Nicole laugh.

Every morning that she woke up alone was like another Beekeeper knife to the gut. Wynonna, Jeremy, and Robin still came into the station every day, but Nicole didn’t have a clue what they were up to. Taking over the Sheriff’s role meant training and paperwork and no time to keep an eye on what was going on in the back office. She just had to trust that Wynonna knew what she was doing.

Supernatural activity in Purgatory dropped off massively after Bulshar was eliminated and Nicole was, in a way, grateful. That meant she could simply go through the motions of everyday, small-town police work and pretend that everything was fine.

Like a piece of her heart hadn’t up and disappeared along with the youngest Earp.

The first weeks went by, and Nicole was able to hold herself together enough. At least enough to make sure that Wynonna didn’t completely steer herself off the rails. She helped the team (or what was _left_ of the team) as much as she could but without Waverly there, and with a whole department to run, it didn’t take long before Nicole found herself quickly fading back into obscurity.

Doors shutting in her face.

Whispered conversations around the office with shifty glances in her direction.

Secret plans that always ended with Wynonna rushing out of the station, guns blazing.

More and more nights spent alone, with no one but Calamity Jane to keep her company.

Even though she drifted further and further from Wynonna, Nicole still thought about Waverly all the time.

How could she not?

Waverly would want Nicole to at least make an effort to work with Wynonna, but Nicole really couldn’t find it in her. She had a town to protect, and if Wynonna wasn’t going to let her in, then Nicole wasn’t going to go out of her way. The thought occasionally crossed her mind that maybe they were intentionally trying to keep her in the dark to protect her as Sheriff, but there was no way to confirm or deny it when Wynonna hardly acknowledged her around the office.

***

A few weeks turned into a few months, and Wynonna went from barely speaking to Nicole to not talking to her at all if she could help it. It stung, especially because Nicole thought she and Wynonna had actually been on their way to building a relationship. 

Instead of wasting her energy on the brick wall that was Wynonna Earp, she decided to focus on proving, both to herself and to everyone else, that she was a worthy replacement for Randy Nedley. It was next to impossible for Nicole to go home at night and not just fall headfirst into a bottle, so she started adding an after-work run and an intense weight training routine into her schedule.

Somehow, all that exercise didn’t do a damn thing to help her sleep. The endorphins wore off quickly once Nicole returned to her dark, quiet house and was reminded that Waverly wasn’t there. Nicole lay awake all night, unable to stop herself from imagining what Waverly might possibly be going through.

Plus, to add insult to brutal emotional injury, Nicole’s nightmares started to change. Her very limited sleep wasn’t punctuated by flames and demons in leather anymore; instead, her dreams were filled with visions of lush gardens, serpents, and demons hiding in the shadows, all just waiting for their moment to strike. Most of the time, she was trapped all alone, but sometimes she was lucky enough to see Waverly.

Those were the worst. And they were nearly always the same.

Waverly was struggling against something dark and shadowy and faceless. Nicole screamed her name over and over, trying desperately to get her attention so she would at least know that Nicole was there, she was fighting. When Waverly did hear her, Nicole tried to run to her to save her, but she never gained any ground. 

Nicole woke up from these dreams sweaty, shaking, and out of breath. The bed beside her was cold and empty, which only served as yet another reminder that she had failed to keep Waverly safe. Without Waverly there to talk her down, she was never able to get back to sleep afterwards, regardless of the hour. 

In the vain hopes that maybe she could exhaust herself to the point where she could sleep without nightmares, Nicole took up swimming in the mornings. The steady, pounding rhythm of her strokes was almost enough to drown out her relentless internal monologue. Instead, she focused on the black line at the bottom of the pool and on perfecting each stroke and turn. She relished how sore her muscles felt after each intense workout, and she pushed herself a little harder with each passing day.

***

Nicole woke abruptly, sweaty and shaking, yet another nightmare fresh in her memory. She sat up in bed to catch her breath, frustrated that she couldn’t seem to get even one night of uninterrupted sleep. Her heart was pounding so hard that it was making her feel physically ill, and Nicole focused her energy on breathing deeply and calming her overactive fight-or-flight response.

Once her pulse slowed and she felt calm again, Nicole slid out of bed and went to the bathroom. Her legs still felt shaky, but splashing some cold water on her face and neck brought her back down to earth.

This time, her worst recurring nightmares had all come together into one cohesive hellscape that still ended the same way-- Nicole still couldn’t save Waverly.

Nicole looked up at her reflection in the bathroom mirror and sighed. The woman staring back at her looked exhausted-- there were huge dark circles under her eyes, and her fresh bedhead didn’t help things either. She sighed and went back to her dark bedroom, hoping she would maybe be able to manage another couple hours’ sleep.

Something in the air felt different as Nicole curled up under the covers and tried to get comfortable again. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but whatever it was kept her wide awake until she heard the birds start to sing outside. Once they started their racket outside, Nicole groaned loudly and gave up. She forced herself to get up, thinking a run might tire her out.

Nicole’s phone rang just as she was about to head out the front door, and when she saw who it was her heart nearly stopped.

“Wynonna?”

She tried to keep her voice calm as she answered, but Nicole’s pulse began to race again as she waited for the older Earp to answer.

“We got her.”

***

Instead of going out for a run like she’d planned, Nicole grabbed her wallet and keys and took off for the hospital. She was tempted to turn on her lights and sirens, but the lack of traffic and her guilty conscience stopped her.

It took all her self-control for Nicole not to tear through the familiar halls of the hospital at a full run, searching for the room that Wynonna had given her.

The door to the room was closed, and Nicole heard muffled talking from the other side. She waited until the doctor emerged, followed closely by Wynonna.

“Wynonna.”

Nicole stood up straight from where she was leaning, her arms crossed, and looked straight at the other woman. 

“She’s gonna be okay.” Wynonna said quietly. “But she’s really weak. I think the doctor thinks I’m some sort of abusive monster-- he wanted to know why she didn’t come in sooner, and I didn’t have an answer for him.”

“It’ll be fine,” Nicole said. “She’s alive. You should probably go home and get some rest, Wynonna. You look like crap.”

A smile twitched at the corners of Wynonna’s lips at Nicole’s weak attempt at a joke. The commotion of the hospital filled the space between them as they struggled for what to say.

“I’m gonna…go see her,” Nicole said quietly. 

Wynonna turned and left, and Nicole knocked gently on the door before entering the room.

Waverly was curled up on her side, sleeping. Nicole closed the door quietly behind her and just paused for a moment. 

After months of dreaming that Waverly was just out of reach, there she was. A couple steps and Nicole would be able to touch her again. Nicole’s head started spinning, and for a moment she was worried she might pass out.

Waverly looked so small in the bleak hospital room. Even though the BBD team was only a couple accidents away from having their own private wing, Nicole wasn’t sure she’d ever noticed how intimidating these rooms could be. Everything was just so stark and white and _clinical_.

Nicole sank into the chair beside Waverly’s bed, her whole body shaking, and took in every inch of the other woman’s sleeping form.

Waverly’s hair was missing its usual shine, and most of the colour had drained out of her face. There were a few deep, half-healed cuts that Nicole could see on her face and hands, and she was on oxygen because it looked like she was having a hard time breathing. 

Looking at Waverly, Nicole wished she’d gotten a chance to ask questions and get more of a handle on what was happening. She was on the outside once again, except this time there wasn’t anything she could do about it.

Nicole wiggled her feet out of her sneakers and tucked one foot underneath her in an attempt to make herself more comfortable in the hard hospital chair. After going so long without touching her, it felt like agony to not be able to reach out and take Waverly’s hands in her own. But Nicole figured she’d much rather sit and wait until she woke up than not have her back at all.

As her heart rate came down and her body finally stopped shaking from the adrenaline, Nicole suddenly felt exhausted. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she repositioned herself again-- there really was _nothing_ comfortable about hospital furniture.

***

“Hey.”

Nicole snapped out of her doze at the familiar voice. Waverly was looking at her, her own eyes still bleary with sleep.

“Baby…”

Nicole’s chest clenched with emotion, and she willed herself not to break down entirely. She reached out, her hand shaking slightly, and ran her knuckles gently down Waverly’s cheek. Waverly closed her eyes and smiled softly at the gentle touch.

“How are you feeling?” Nicole asked quietly.

“I’ve been better.” Waverly smiled weakly. “And I _was_ better…until about a week ago. I held on as long as I could, but the human part of me won out.”

“It’s okay,” Nicole said. “You’re here now.” She settled herself on the edge of the small bed and gathered the smaller woman up in her arms for the first time in months. Waverly wrapped her arms around Nicole’s neck, and they just stayed there for a minute, until Nicole felt her eyes begin to burn with tears. She pulled away to see that Waverly was also crying.

“Hey…” Nicole murmured, wiping away the tears rolling down Waverly’s cheeks. “Don’t…it’s just gonna make it harder to breathe. And I _really_ don’t want to be the one responsible for killing you after all of this.”

Waverly laughed, which promptly set off a coughing fit.

“Should I go get a nurse?” Nicole sat up straight, her arms still wrapped tight around Waverly.

Waverly shook her head, her coughing fading away as she did so. “I’m fine. Just a little dizzy.” The smaller woman leaned in to Nicole’s body, and Nicole could feel her shallow, laboured breathing as she held Waverly in her arms. She ran her fingers through Waverly’s hair gently, and she heard Waverly sigh softly.

“I missed you,” Nicole murmured, her voice breaking. “So much.”

Waverly’s arms tightened around Nicole, and a strangled sob escaped her body.

“ _Waverly…_ ”

Nicole supported the smaller woman as she broke down in her arms. Her whole body quivered as she wept, months of stress and anxiety pouring out of her as Nicole held her.

“Baby…” Nicole whispered. Waverly leaned in even closer, burying her face in Nicole’s chest, and Nicole removed one hand from Waverly’s back to cradle her head. Her heart raced as she breathed in everything _Waverly,_ even as the other woman fell to pieces. “You’re safe now.”

Nicole didn’t press Waverly, knowing she would talk when she was ready. Whenever that might be.

It was a few minutes before Waverly’s sobs subsided. She was finally able to catch her breath as best she could, and Nicole deepened her own inhales and exhales.

“Breathe with me…” Nicole said quietly, maintaining a strong hold on Waverly, “That’s good.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Waverly stammered, her breath hitching. “I d-don’t know what’s wrong with me-”

“ _Nothing_!” Nicole exclaimed. “You’ve barely begun to heal, baby,” she added quickly. “Be kind to yourself.”

“Nicole?” Waverly began, her voice small and tentative.

“Mm?”

“Please…can we not talk about what happened? Not yet.”

“Waves, we don’t have to talk about _anything_ you don’t want to,” Nicole said. She kissed Waverly’s forehead, noticing it felt warm. “I’m just glad you’re alive.” Her voice wavered again.

“Can you stay tonight?”

Waverly’s voice was so small, and she sounded simply broken. Nicole was desperate to find out what had happened in the Garden that had left Waverly sick and weak and so close to death, but not if it was only going to traumatize her further. She wondered where Doc had disappeared off to, and regretted not asking Wynonna while she was still around.

“Of course I’ll stay. And if anyone tries to give me a hard time about it, I’ll just flash my shiny Sheriff’s badge and claim it’s a security issue.”

Waverly smiled, and Nicole’s heart stuttered at the way her smile still lit up the room around them.

“I’m so proud of you…Sheriff.”

Waverly embraced Nicole as tightly as she could, which still wasn’t very tight. “You’re going to be _so_ good. Best one this town’s ever seen.”

“I’ll try.” Nicole kissed Waverly’s cheek gently. 

“Can you tell me about it? What’re your days like?”

Nicole pulled the chair beside the bed closer and settled back into it, crossing her legs beneath her so she could be closer to Waverly. Nicole would have curled up in bed beside her, but she didn’t want to disturb any machinery or overwhelm Waverly. Instead, she settled for threading Waverly’s fingers through her own as she told her about her first months as Sheriff.

Just being close to her and finally getting to talk to her again was enough. Waverly curled back up on her side to face Nicole, and as she listened to Nicole tell her about the more mundane aspects of the job Nicole thought she saw a spark of light flicker back into her hazel eyes.

“I know there’s not a lot of room,” Waverly said quietly, when the conversation hit a lull, “but would you…” She moved away from Nicole, toward the other edge of the bed, and Nicole understood what she was asking. Waverly’s eyes were filled with anxiety, and Nicole just wished she could absorb some of that for her.

“Of course,” she said, “I don’t wanna mess anything up, so…let me know if you need me to move, okay?” Nicole said as she carefully slipped into the tiny bed beside Waverly. Once Waverly made sure Nicole wasn’t laying on any tubing or wires, she slipped her feet between Nicole’s legs and wrapped herself in her arms, as though she was trying to disappear entirely into Nicole’s embrace.

“Baby, it feels like you’ve got a fever,” Nicole murmured as she kissed Waverly’s forehead gently. “You feeling okay?”

Waverly shook her head against Nicole’s chest. “Not really. The doctor thinks I have pneumonia, so I’m on antibiotics.” She pointed behind her at one of the IV solutions, “They should start working soon.”

“Okay.” Nicole wrapped an arm around Waverly protectively as she settled in beside her.

“Your hair grew,” Waverly said quietly as she ran her fingers through a lock of red hair. “I like it.”

Nicole didn’t have the heart to tell her that the reason she’d let her hair grow was because she’d barely been able to keep herself functioning normally, and regular haircuts had become a casualty.

They grew quiet, and Nicole could tell Waverly was dozing off again in her arms by the change in her breathing. 

***

As much as Nicole didn’t want to, she had to leave Waverly early the next morning-- she had decided she could get away with leaving in the middle of the afternoon if she got to the office early. As she left, she was glad to pass Wynonna in the hall, even if neither said anything. Waverly wasn’t going to be alone.

Sitting in her office later on, Nicole found she couldn’t concentrate on a single thing. She couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened the day before…and how she hadn’t been part of it at all.

Wave after wave of guilt crashed over her as she sat staring at all the paperwork she had to catch up on. 

Mundane paperwork that outlined events had done nothing to help bring Waverly home. 

Wynonna showed up at the station later in the day, appearing in Nicole’s doorway with a near-inscrutable look on her face.

“Wynonna,” Nicole said cautiously, looking up from the paperwork on her desk. “Something I can do for you? Is Waverly okay?”

“She’s fine. Jeremy’s with her.”

Wynonna leaned against the frame and sighed. Nicole watched as she bit her lip anxiously and looked down at her hands, clearly searching for words. 

“Wynonna, I don’t really have ti-”

“-I’m sorry,” Wynonna blurted out, cutting Nicole off midsentence. “For keeping you on the outside.”

“Yeah?”

Nicole didn’t intend it to come out so sharp, but there was no stopping the flood. “All I’ve _ever_ wanted, Wynonna, was for you to treat me like one of the team! And yet I’ve gone _months_ without hardly a single word from you! You know-” Nicole’s voice broke slightly, “You _know_ I love her too. All I wanted was to know that she was gonna be okay.”

Wynonna sighed and ran a hand through her hair. 

“I’m sorry.”

Nicole was a little surprised Wynonna didn’t put up more of a fight. As she took in the woman leaning in her doorway, she saw how much of a physical toll the last months had taken on her. Rather than push back, Nicole just nodded in acknowledgment.

“Thanks, Wynonna,” she said, all the anger she’d felt just a moment ago evaporating entirely. Waverly was home. Their nightmare was over. There was no need to hold on to her anger any more.

Wynonna closed the door behind her, and Nicole was once again left alone with a stack of paperwork and a mess of still-tangled emotions. She blinked back confused tears and returned to her work, determined to just get to one o’clock. When she’d come in to the office that morning, there was a voicemail from Nedley waiting for her; he’d offered to come in and keep an eye on things so she could spend time with Waverly, and Nicole had eagerly accepted.

It was all Nicole could do to not bolt from the office the second the clock hit one. She gave report to Nedley-- thankfully, it was a slow day-- and he rested a hand on her shoulder and kindly told her to buzz off. Nicole didn’t even bother to change her clothes before driving back to the hospital; all that mattered was Waverly.

Before Nicole knocked gently on the door to Waverly’s room, she paused for a moment. She could hear talking and laughter from the other side, Jeremy’s voice mixing with Waverly’s. Both turned to look at her when Nicole knocked and opened the door slightly.

Nicole greeted Jeremy with a wave, and he quickly excused himself, claiming he had work to get back to at the station. He left the room and Nicole closed the door once again. Even though she had just seen her that morning, Nicole paused and took Waverly in from the doorway.

“Nicole? You okay?”

“Just admiring the pretty girl in front of me.” Nicole grinned at her own cheesy line, feeling a blush tinge her cheeks slightly. “Anyway, I brought tea.” She held up a travel mug in each hand.

Waverly accepted the offering, and she sighed happily when she realized Nicole had brought her her favourite calming herbal blend.

“How’d you sleep last night?” Nicole asked as she pulled off her boots so she could sit cross-legged in the chair Jeremy had just vacated.

Waverly just shrugged. “I mean, I passed out a little this morning but-”

Nicole choked on her tea. 

“ _What?_ ” She choked out between coughs. “Like you _fainted?_ ”

“It was fine,” Waverly said quickly. “It just turns out that on top of not being able to breathe, I was more dehydrated than I realized, so I got up to go to the bathroom and…timber. I really thought Wynonna was going to have a stroke.”

_“Waverly!”_ Nicole was sure her eyes were about to pop out of her head.

“I’m _fine_ ,” Waverly said with a sheepish smile. “I do feel better than yesterday, I promise.”

Nicole just sighed and rolled her eyes as she leaned forward to kiss Waverly gently. “Just don’t _die_ , okay?”

“You’re one to talk!” Waverly laughed and ran the fingers of her free hand through Nicole’s hair. She toyed with the open top button of Nicole’s shirt and noticed the chain hanging from her neck. “What’s this?” 

Nicole smiled, and she pulled the chain out from underneath her shirt. Waverly’s eyes widened as she saw the familiar silver ring with the huge black stone dangling from the end.

“I, uh…it wasn’t super _practical_ to wear around every day, but I still wanted to keep you with me.”

Nicole’s chest constricted. She hadn’t been anticipating having this conversation quite so soon, but she didn’t exactly want to put it off, either.

“I know how much you hate this ring,” Waverly said, her voice shaking just slightly, “but I also know that what I said…that day, before everything went to shit…” She fiddled with the ring that had caused them so much trouble and had to force herself to look up at Nicole. There was a twinkle in her warm brown eyes and she smiled, showing off her dimples.

“Waverly Earp…” Nicole savoured every syllable as it rolled off her tongue. “You are it for me. So if you were asking what I think you were asking…my answer is yes.” She leaned closer so her forehead was resting against Waverly’s, the ring between them once again.

“I love you,” Waverly murmured. “So much. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it sooner.”

Nicole just shook her head. “You didn’t have to.”

***

Waverly was only in the hospital for another two days. She wasn’t back at 100%, but not so sick that she really needed to stay. Nicole drove out to the homestead once she got off work, the first time she had been out there since Waverly disappeared. Her anxiety mounted with every bend in the road at the prospect of spending the evening with Wynonna after months of tension, but she told herself she needed to push through for Waverly’s sake.

When she walked in, the first thing Nicole noticed was that the homestead was still a mess. Even though someone (and Nicole genuinely couldn’t imagine who) had replaced the windowpanes that were shattered by bullets, it was clear to Nicole which Earp sister was the one keeping the house tidy. Once she had gone, so had any sense of order.

“Hello?” Nicole called to no one in particular.

“In here!” Wynonna’s voice came through from the living room.

Wynonna was kneeling in front of her sister, who was wrapped tightly in a blanket on the living room couch.

“Everything okay?” Nicole asked, her heart sinking as she took in the scene. Wynonna looked up at the sound of her voice. She acknowledged Nicole’s presence, and turned back to talk to Waverly.

“Sheriff Haught-to-trot’s here, maybe you can talk to her?” Wynonna said. Her voice shifted to the soft tone reserved exclusively for her sister. Waverly gave Wynonna a small nod, and Wynonna moved aside to make space for Nicole.

Nicole crouched down on one knee in front of Waverly. Waverly’s hands were wrapped up, so Nicole settled for resting her hands on her knees.

“Hey…” she began tentatively. “Waves? Baby, can you look at me?”

Waverly was white as a sheet, her breathing shallow and panicked, but she looked up to meet Nicole’s eyes.

“Good. You’re okay, I promise.” 

Nicole didn’t break eye contact with the smaller woman. “Can you talk to me?”

Waverly’s eyes flickered over to her sister, and her eyes filled with tears almost immediately. Nicole furrowed her brow in confusion and looked over to Wynonna, who just shrugged. They sat quietly, just waiting for Waverly to determine the next move. Finally, once it appeared she’d regained some control, Waverly took a deep breath and leaned in a little closer to Nicole.

“Can we go to your place?” Waverly asked quietly. “Please?”

“Sure,” Nicole said, surprised by the request. “Let’s get you out to the car.”

Nicole stood up and offered a hand to help Waverly up from the couch. Waverly slowly unwrapped herself and got to her feet, still not breaking eye contact. Nicole wrapped an arm around Waverly’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

“I’ll be right there,” Nicole said as Waverly gave her sister a hug and walked back towards the front door. She turned toward the older Earp, a quizzical look on her face.

“Dude, don’t look at me!” Wynonna said, “I really don’t know what happened. One minute she was fine, and the next…total freakout.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Nicole said. “Don’t read too much into it, Earp. It’s not your fault.”

***

Nicole didn’t sleep much that night. Waverly didn’t want to talk about what happened at the Earp homestead, just said quietly that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. As though nothing was any different, Waverly changed into one of Nicole’s old t-shirts and a pair of shorts she’d left at the house and crawled into bed while Nicole took a shower. 

By the time Nicole returned from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, Waverly was sound asleep, the blankets pulled up almost to her nose. Nicole changed quickly and slipped into bed beside Waverly as quietly as she could. Waverly stirred at the disturbance, mumbled something incoherent as she moved closer to Nicole, and promptly went back to sleep.

Nicole stayed up a little while longer, propping her book up on her knees and turning the pages with one hand so she could hold Waverly close with her other arm. In the quiet of the night, Nicole noticed Waverly was breathing easier than she had been in the hospital, and she was relieved to know that, at least physically, she was going to be just fine. She would make sure to talk to Waverly about what happened at the homestead, but that could wait.

After turning out her light, Nicole curled herself around Waverly. Even though it felt like things were somewhat back to normal, she had a hard time calming the anxiety that took up residence as soon as she settled in for the night.

Waverly was back in her arms, safe and sound, but there was a voice at the back of Nicole’s mind that told her that it could all be gone in a moment. That she could wake up the next morning to an empty bed and be back in the same position she was in only a few days ago. 

And then there was the guilt. The same guilt that had settled over Nicole like a noxious cloud, but that she still hadn’t quite been able to parse. Not that there had been much time for deep emotional exploration over the last several days, but still. She had to keep her emotions in check until everything finally settled and they were back to normal.

***

Nicole’s run the next morning felt more difficult than usual, even though she shortened her route so she could get back to Waverly sooner. The summer morning was cool and dry, but Nicole still had a hard time regulating her breathing, and she had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the same anxiety that had kept her up the night before and dogged her into the morning.

When she walked through the front door, sweaty and breathing hard, Waverly was sitting on the couch. She visibly startled when she heard Nicole come in, and turned to face her.

“Anything good on?” Nicole asked, pointing to the TV. 

“Not really,” Waverly said with a small smile. “Is it just me, or have these shows gotten _more_ annoying since I…left?” Her smile faltered slightly as she considered the language she’d chosen. “Anyway, how was your run?”

Nicole leaned over the back of the couch and kissed Waverly slowly. “Not great, actually. Couldn’t find a good rhythm.”

She didn’t mention the reason why she couldn’t find a rhythm. Waverly would just get worried, and the last thing Nicole wanted was to stress her out. She needed to focus on Waverly, and making sure she was able to settle back into her life in Purgatory. Nicole poured herself a cup of coffee and sank down on the couch beside Waverly.

“How’d you sleep?” Nicole asked as Waverly leaned in to her side.

“Fine,” she said quietly. Waverly rested her head on Nicole’s shoulder and gently pulled one of Nicole’s arms around her shoulders.

“Baby, I’m all sweaty,” Nicole said with a grin.

“I don’t mind,” Waverly said as she gently played with the fingers on Nicole’s free hand. “I just want to be close to you.”

“Well I’m certainly not going to complain.” Nicole kissed Waverly’s temple and rested her forehead against Waverly’s. “I’ve missed this.”

“It was so hard.” Waverly said quietly. “Being…there. Without you.”

“Waves, you don’t have to talk about it,” Nicole said, a chill shooting down her spine as she realized where Waverly was going. “Really. It’s okay.”

“No, I…I want to.” Waverly’s voice quivered slightly. “It’s not going to get easier.”

“I know, baby.”

Nicole tightened her arm around Waverly, suddenly feeling extra protective of the other woman.

“I thought I’d lost you. Forever. Nicole, it was like all the hope was just…sucked right out of me. And Doc…he tried, he really did. _He_ never lost hope that everyone was out here trying to figure it out.”

Nicole’s stomach dropped. Waverly assumed that she had been working with the team this entire time, but Nicole didn’t have the heart to correct her and tell her that in fact, she had been on the outside the entire time.

“Hey, Waves?” Nicole asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“What happened yesterday?”

Waverly didn’t answer right away, but sighed and moved closer to Nicole. Nicole kissed her cheek and waited, letting Waverly take all the time she needed.

“I don’t really know what happened.” Her voice wavered almost imperceptibly. “I was totally fine until we got out to the homestead, but the second I walked back inside it was like I was right back in the middle of…that day. I didn’t think it would affect me like that, but…” Waverly shuddered. “I guess it did.”

“An awful lot happened that day,” Nicole said, “And you were seriously affected by it.” 

Waverly sighed again. “In the light of day, it feels like a stupid reaction. I mean, that day was tough on everyone, not just me.”

Nicole chose not to point out the obvious, that Waverly had obviously suffered more than any of them. She was the one who had been trapped in another realm, and who was just now starting to return to something resembling normalcy. Instead, she allowed them to lapse into a loaded silence as she struggled to find the right words to convey what she needed to say.

Since the day they met, Nicole had noticed over and over that Waverly always pushed her own needs off to the side so she could take care of everyone else around her. Her relationship with Champ had been one-sided, with Waverly bearing the brunt of the emotional labour, and there had simply been no chance for her to address the baggage she still carried around with regards to her relationship with Wynonna. 

All Nicole wanted was for her to feel safe, because Waverly Earp deserved to put herself first for once.

***

Later that day, Waverly asked Nicole if she would go with her back to the homestead while Wynonna was in town for the afternoon.

“I want to go back on my own, without her there,” she said. Nicole was in the kitchen, prepping her lunch for the week, and Waverly had planted herself at the kitchen table to observe. “Fewer distractions that way.”

Nicole, who was surveying the neat row of plastic containers in front of her, heard Waverly get up from the table behind her and soon felt her arms wrap around her waist.

“Of course we can go,” she said, turning to face the shorter woman. “I’m almost done here, just need to do the dishes.”

Setting down the lid in her hand, Nicole leaned in and kissed Waverly, gently tracing the line of Waverly’s jaw with her fingers. She felt Waverly sigh against her mouth as her arms tightened slightly around Nicole’s waist.

“Or…we could go tomorrow…” Waverly mumbled. 

Nicole grinned and forced herself to pull away. “Baby, if we _don’t_ go, I know you’ll be mad later.”

“You’re probably right.” Waverly huffed, rolling her eyes and loosening her grip on Nicole’s waist.

Nicole gave Waverly another peck on the lips and smiled. “Just give me a few more minutes, okay?”

Waverly spent much of the drive out to the Earp homestead in a thoughtful silence. Nicole didn’t mind the quiet; she hummed along quietly to the radio as she drove, just happy that Waverly was beside her at all.

At a stop sign, Nicole looked over and saw that Waverly was wringing her hands so intensely her knuckles were white. Nicole reached over and gently pried the other woman’s hands apart with one of hers. She threaded her fingers through Waverly’s, and kept their fingers interlocked for the rest of the drive.

As soon as Nicole rounded the final bend in the road and the homestead came into view, she felt Waverly’s grip tighten.

“It’s okay, Waves,” Nicole said quietly, giving her hand a comforting squeeze back. “Nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

“Promise?” Waverly’s voice was small.

“Always, baby.”

***

Little by little, Waverly grew more comfortable stepping back on the Earp land. She and Wynonna spent more and more time together, and Nicole tried her hardest to give them space.

They’d been through a lot together since Wynonna rolled back into town, and now that the dust was starting to settle, they probably had an awful lot to talk about. Waverly still spent a lot of time at the station, even with no cases to work on, usually curled up on the couch in Nicole’s office with a book in hand. At night, however, Nicole found herself going home alone more often.

Things still didn’t feel quite right between her and Waverly. Nicole largely attributed it to work stress on her end, and Waverly’s recovery process on hers, but she wished that they could overcome this block between them. She could feel her own anxieties mounting deep inside her as things gradually settled, but it felt like there was simply no good time to address them with Waverly.

There was always been something else to worry about, but she wasn’t sure if she could keep it all in much longer. Nicole thought she would be able to spend more time alone with Waverly but instead, she felt further away than ever.

Nicole absolutely wanted to marry Waverly Earp. Frankly, there had never been a question in her mind about that. But it was what comes before that Nicole needed so badly to talk about.

She wanted Waverly to move in with her. Before they got married, Nicole wanted to begin to carve out a space just for them, where they could figure out who they were as a couple.

And for them to do that, they needed space away from Wynonna.

However, Nicole quickly found there was no easy way to broach the subject, because Wynonna seemed to be everywhere all the time. Even with no Black Badge cases to work on, when she wasn’t fighting with Doc or drinking at Shorty’s, Wynonna was hanging around the station. Waverly started to spend more time at Nicole’s, but that came with a Wynonna-shaped third wheel more often than not.

One night, Nicole texted Waverly as she left the office to see if she wanted to come over for a night in. Her expectations weren’t all that high, but first and foremost, she just wanted to spend some quality time with her girlfriend. 

_Nicole: Dinner & movies at my place? I’m cooking :) :) _

_Waverly: I’ll bring the wine?_

_Nicole: PERFECT, because I have none. See you around 7?_

_Waverly: <3 <3 <3 _

Nicole stopped by the grocery store before heading home to pick up a few things. She’d found a new tofu bowl recipe on Pinterest that she thought sounded delicious, plus she grabbed some vegan desserts to boot. 

Even when Waverly was gone, Nicole still found herself cooking vegan and vegetarian food on a regular basis, even in spite of all Wynonna’s teasing about it. When she was gone, it was a way for Nicole to feel connected to her, somehow. Quite frankly, she thought she was quite the tofu master at this point.

As she drove home, Nicole made the decision that she was going to try and talk to Waverly. She tried to ignore her anxiety about the conversation, reminding herself that it was just _Waverly_.

After feeding Calamity Jane, Nicole put the tofu out to press and went to her bedroom to change out of her uniform. After lots of deliberation, she settled on dark jeans and a new floral button-down she _knew_ Waverly would love. It hugged her curves just right, and she made sure to leave the top buttons undone before rolling the sleeves up neatly to her elbows.

As it turned out, Nicole had timed it just right so that by the time Waverly pulled up to the house, dinner was almost ready.

“Perfect timing,” Nicole murmured to herself, grinning as she saw the red Jeep come to a stop in the driveway outside. She beat Waverly to the front door and opened it before she got a chance to knock, which startled the other woman.

“Hey, cutie,” Nicole said flirtatiously, leaning against the frame to greet the brunette, who had frozen with her fist raised to knock on the door.

“You’re ridiculous. And I brought wine,” Waverly said, holding up a bottle as she stood on her tiptoes for a kiss. Nicole wrapped her arms around the smaller woman’s waist and kissed her deeply, her heart racing as she felt Waverly melt in her arms.

Waverly pulled away slightly, hazel eyes meeting Nicole’s for a moment before she surveyed Nicole’s outfit.

“This is new…” she murmured, toying with one of the buttons that Nicole had left undone. “I like it. It looks good with your hair.”

“Thought you might,” Nicole said with a knowing grin. She kissed Waverly one more time before disentangling herself from the other woman’s arms so she could check on dinner.

Waverly poured herself a glass of wine and settled at the kitchen table while Nicole finished cooking. Watching her cook, humming quietly to herself as she did so, it almost felt like a normal night in, like they hadn’t had in a long time.

The table was set neatly, brightly coloured bowls and coordinating napkins at each place. Nicole was one of the few people Waverly knew under the age of 40 who used placemats on a regular basis, and even though it was a small detail, it was one she found infinitely endearing. 

“Thanks for cooking,” Waverly said quietly as Nicole set two serving bowls in the middle of the table, coconut rice in one and tofu and vegetables in the other. “It looks amazing.”

“ _Several_ steps up from the first time I tried to cook vegan for you, I hope,” Nicole said with a laugh as she sat down across from Waverly, who grinned at the memory. Nicole had nearly burned her house down the first time she tried to pan-fry tofu, but the bowl in front of her now looked golden brown and perfectly cooked.

“Looks perfect, baby.”

***

“Hey, Waves?” Nicole called from the living room, where she was straightening out the couch before they went upstairs to bed. After dinner, they’d spent a little time watching TV, but Nicole found herself dozing off after barely a half hour. 

Plus, it was hard to focus on anything else when Waverly kept dragging her nails _so gently_ over Nicole’s arm, giving her goosebumps and making her squirm ever so slightly. She’d kept her eyes fixated on the TV, but Nicole was no fool-- Waverly knew _exactly_ what she was doing.

“Yeah?” Waverly appeared in the kitchen doorway. She’d offered to do the last of the dishes, since Nicole was the one who cooked them dinner.

“Can we…talk?” Nicole paused with a half-folded throw blanket in her hands, suddenly nervous about broaching the subject. She toyed with the edge of the blanket as she thought about what she could say that wouldn’t sound confrontational.

“Nicole? Is something wrong?”

“No! I mean…it’s nothing bad.” Nicole sighed. “None of this is coming out right. It’s just…so much has happened. And I don’t think we’ve taken enough time to talk about it…and us.”

“Okay…?” Waverly said, furrowing her brow in confusion. “What did you want to talk about, then?”

Nicole sighed again and toyed with the ring on her left hand. “Before we…y’know, make it _official,_ ” Nicole began, “I want us to move in together…but I want you to move in here.”

“Oh.”

Waverly’s voice was soft, inscrutable. Nicole’s heart dropped, and she found herself suddenly needing to make up for the heavy silence that fell between them.

“I know it seems really sudden, and baby you _know_ I love Wynonna. I really do.”

“Nicole, I can’t just _abandon_ her!”

Nicole winced, not prepared for the rapid shift in Waverly’s tone, and she watched as Waverly began to physically close herself off by crossing her arms tight across her chest.

“Waverly, I’m not asking you to abandon her! I know how much she means to you-”

“She’s my _family!_ ”

Before Nicole could even begin to think of a way to salvage the situation, Waverly stormed past her and up the stairs. She heard the shower start running upstairs and groaned. 

“ _That_ wasn’t what I was expecting,” she said to Calamity Jane, who just stared at her with huge, unblinking eyes. Nicole scooped the heavy ginger cat out of her bed before going upstairs herself, ignoring her mews of protest.

Waverly didn’t take long in the shower, and she was already fully dressed by the time she walked into Nicole’s bedroom, towelling off her long hair and looking no less upset.

“Waves-”

“Don’t.” Waverly’s voice was quivering slightly. “Nicole, I thought…I thought you understood.”

“I _do_ understand!” Nicole exclaimed, stepping forward and taking Waverly’s hands in her own. “But I’m not suggesting we leave Purgatory. Only that we deserve a chance to settle down and start writing our own story.”

Waverly pulled herself away from Nicole and crossed her arms across her chest again. Feeling like everything she’d said was only making things worse, Nicole stopped talking and waited for Waverly to sort through her thoughts. She swallowed the emotion that was rapidly rising in her chest, not understanding how she could have misread the situation so badly.

“Look, Waverly…” Nicole sighed, after a minute of heavy silence passed between them.

“No, you don’t get to do that!” Waverly exclaimed. “Don’t sigh and _‘Waverly’_ me like this is all my fault!”

“This isn’t _anyone’s_ fault! I didn’t think you’d take it like this, Waves. I thought it would be a nice surprise, but-”

“You thought wrong.” 

Nicole was taken aback by the hard tone of Waverly’s voice. 

“Y’know, I think I’ll just sleep in the guest room tonight.”

Her voice was cold and final, and it sucked all the fight right out of Nicole. She threw her hands up in defeat and sighed deeply.

“No. That’s silly. This is all my fault, so you sleep in here and I’ll take the other room.”

Before Waverly could argue any more, Nicole grabbed her pajamas and left to take a shower. As she let the scalding water wash over her shoulders, the confusion and hurt swirling inside her began to coalesce into something like anger.

Waverly didn’t even give her a chance before jumping down her throat. And Nicole wasn’t an idiot, of _course_ Waverly would be concerned about leaving her sister, but Nicole really didn’t think she’d react so strongly.

The night had started off so well, but now everything felt disjointed and messy. Something about their argument just felt _off_ , and Nicole wondered if this was where her emotional issues were going to start manifesting themselves-- in shitty communication with her girlfriend that would inevitably lead to them breaking up for good.

Almost as if she’d been listening in on Nicole’s thoughts, when she walked into the guest room, clad only in a towel, Waverly was sitting on the bed. She looked almost as angry as Nicole felt.

“Waverly, I don’t want t-”

Before she could finish, Nicole’s sentence was cut off by Waverly’s searing lips on her own.

Nicole froze, her entire body going rigid as the surprise of Waverly’s sudden action rippled through her. She could practically taste the emotion radiating off of Waverly as the brunette curled one hand around the back of Nicole’s neck, tangling her fingers in damp red waves.

Even as angry as she was, Nicole kissed Waverly back hungrily. She took Waverly’s face in her hands, running fingers over the soft skin Nicole missed so much.

Waverly’s other hand started to wander, grazing one towel-covered breast before coming to rest on Nicole’s hip. Nicole could swear she stopped breathing as Waverly roughly pulls her in even closer. When she pulled away for air, Nicole saw fire in Waverly’s eyes, golden sparks gleaming in her hazel eyes.

_“Waverly…”_

Her full name fell from Nicole’s lips, each syllable hanging heavily in the air between them. Nicole snaked one hand under the hem of Waverly’s shirt, fingers skimming over the expanse of soft skin underneath. Goosebumps erupted beneath Nicole’s fingers as she ran her hand over Waverly’s toned abs, and the response sent a shockwave down Nicole’s spine and straight through her core.

Waverly groaned against Nicole’s lips, and Nicole took that as her cue to grab the hem of her t-shirt and try pulling it over her head.

“Mm-mm.”

Nicole was stopped by Waverly’s hand on top of her own. The brunette pulled away and shook her head, her gaze still smouldering. Waverly dragged her fingers lightly back up Nicole’s arm, and her nails just barely grazed a sensitive spot just above her collarbone that caused Nicole to let out an honest to god _gasp_ of surprise.

Waverly smirked at Nicole’s response and dragged her fingers down Nicole’s still-damp chest until she gets to where she’s tucked the bath towel securely around her chest. Regaining control of her body, Nicole pulled Waverly close to her again and kissed her breathlessly. She tugged again at Waverly’s clothes, desperate to feel her soft skin against her own as Waverly unrolled the top of the towel. 

As if she was leading a dance, she turned Nicole around and backed her up against the bed. Smooth as if she’d rehearsed it, as the towel fell from Nicole’s body she forced Nicole down into a sitting position and straddled her lap.

Waverly’s hands started exploring, beginning innocently enough by running them slowly over Nicole’s strong shoulders as she dropped sloppy kisses all down Nicole’s jaw and the side of her neck. Nicole shivered as the cool air hitting her damp skin mixed with the heat rising off of Waverly’s body, and she felt her pulse start pounding between her legs. Nicole inhaled sharply as Waverly took one of her nipples between her thumb and forefinger, rolling the sensitive bud between her fingers, but only for a moment.

Waverly’s hand slid further down Nicole’s body, trailing over her stomach, while her other arm snaked around her back to keep Nicole upright. Nicole was grateful for the support; even as she wrapped her arms around Waverly, nails scratching at her t-shirt as she pressed her body close, she thought that without her arm supporting her she might simply melt into the mattress entirely. 

Waverly captured Nicole’s mouth hungrily as she slid her hand even lower, drawing a deep groan from Nicole as nimble fingers grazed the inside of her thigh, drawing dangerously close to Nicole’s now-throbbing core.

Nicole whined against Waverly’s mouth as she tried to roll her hips up and forward, closer to Waverly’s hand, desperate for relief. Instead of providing that relief, however, Waverly eased back off Nicole’s lap and, with a couple of surprisingly gentle movements given the mood in the room, guided Nicole back so she was fully reclined on the bed.

Lying back on the bed, fully exposed, Nicole couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. More vulnerable than she could remember ever feeling with Waverly.

Too vulnerable.

In a split second, her entire body started shaking, and Nicole suddenly couldn’t catch her breath. As her breathing grew increasingly shallow, her head started spinning as though she was about to pass out.

“Nicole?”

Waverly’s voice sounded far away, and Nicole couldn’t get herself to force out even a single word in response. She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to get ahold of herself.

“ _Nicole!_ ”

The weight of Waverly’s body on top of hers disappeared for a moment, leaving Nicole cold. When she returned a moment later, her strong arms grasped Nicole’s shoulders to help her sit up. She wrapped a throw blanket around Nicole and gently tilted her chin to look up at her.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Waverly’s voice was soft. “You can open your eyes, Nicole. Look at me, you’re okay.” 

Nicole opened her eyes to find that any trace of anger or irritation that had been present before was gone from Waverly’s hazel eyes. Instead, the fire in her eyes had been replaced by concern and love for the woman now trembling in her arms.

“I’m s-sorry,” Nicole choked out, feeling mortified as her eyes began to sting with tears. She wrapped the blanket tight around her as the levees she’d built up over months began to crumble. “I’m so sorry, Waverly. I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry…”

A huge, heaving sob escaped from what felt like the absolute furthest depths of Nicole’s heart. There was no stopping it. Every emotion she’d repressed from the last six months was pouring from her all at once, and she just couldn’t control it anymore.

Waverly was dumbfounded. She frantically began replaying everything in her head that had led up to this moment, trying to figure out where she’d misstepped. She backed off Nicole’s lap to give the other woman room to breathe. Nicole immediately moved away from her towards the headboard, drawing her knees into her chest and wrapping the blanket tightly around as much of her body as it would cover.

Nicole could feel Waverly’s eyes on her, which somehow made her feel even worse. It was _her_ suggestion that pushed Waverly too far, but _Waverly_ was still the one comforting her anyway. 

Even in spite of that, though, Nicole couldn’t stop crying.

She felt like a child, sobbing uncontrollably while Waverly looked on, but at the same time she felt like months of pent-up frustration and hurt were finally spilling out into the open where they needed to be. There was no way Nicole could keep everything bottled up anymore, not when everything else in her life was changing faster than she could keep up with it.

Waverly’s every instinct told her to move in closer to her sobbing girlfriend, to comfort the woman falling to pieces in front of her. She fought that instinct, because she knew better than to impose on Nicole’s personal space, especially when she’d already increased the physical distance between them on the bed.

Instead, in an attempt to be helpful Waverly leaned over the edge of the mattress and reached for Nicole’s clothes that had fallen to the floor only a few minutes earlier. 

“‘Cole?”

Nicole looked up at the nickname, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She knew she probably looked like a train wreck, but couldn’t find it in her to really care. She was already mortified and overwhelmed and terrified that she might lose everything she loved, so nothing could really make things worse at this point.

“Baby, what’s going on?” Waverly asked quietly. “I’m so sorry if I pushed things too far or if I misread things, because-”

“You d-didn’t,” Nicole said shakily. 

“Then what is it?”

While she was rarely unsure of herself in professional situations or when someone else needed her support, Nicole wasn’t a woman used to being encouraged to express her own emotions. Early on in their relationship, Waverly had figured out that it sometimes took a minute for her to gather her thoughts before she could express them. Nicole’s eyes fell back down toward her knees, and Waverly saw her shakily draw in a huge breath that she released in a sigh.

“I just think I need to be alone” Nicole said, as tears filled her eyes again. “I’m so sorry, Waves.”

Waverly opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but thought better of it. She left the room, closing the door more forcefully behind her than she intended.

Nicole slowly unwrapped the blanket and let it fall from her shoulders, and shivered as the air made contact with her exposed skin once again. She edged herself off the bed and dressed slowly, pausing before pulling her tank over her head to examine her body in the full-length mirror hanging on the wall. 

Specifically, to examine the scars.

It was pretty difficult to miss the huge one just above her left hip bone-- though as she thought about it, Nicole wasn’t sure Waverly had noticed it yet, even when her body had been completely exposed just a couple minutes earlier.

As Nicole’s fingers grazed the scar, she was seized by the memory of a rusty blade cutting deep into her flesh. 

The agony caused by bits of dirt and gravel embedding themselves deep into her, even as she tried to keep the wound covered with her hands. 

The eerie, final calm that had settled over her while Wynonna, Doc, and Julian all frantically tried to save her life.

Nicole’s eyes moved from her abdomen to the spot on her right arm where Bulshar’s wife, wearing Mercedes’ face, had sunk her teeth deep into Nicole. The antivenom had saved her life, but Mercedes’ bite still left an angry scar, purple-red teeth marks that stood out against her pale skin.

From her vantage point, she couldn’t see the small mark over her eyebrow that was left over from Jack’s near-kidnapping, but after Nicole pulled her tank over her head she ran her fingers over it absentmindedly.

She shouldn’t have shut Waverly out the way she did, but Nicole suddenly wasn’t so sure she’d ever be ready to lay herself emotionally bare in front of Waverly. _Nicole_ was barely ready to confront her past, not to mention everything that had happened since she moved to Purgatory, so she didn’t know how she was supposed to let _Waverly_ in on her problems.

All she’d done to cope with was to drag herself, exhausted, to the doctor once the simple prospect of nightmares finally became enough to keep her from sleeping at all. The sleeping pills were less than ideal, but drugging herself to sleep was better than falling asleep hunched over her desk at three in the afternoon.

That night, though, Nicole just lay awake and berated herself for letting the night take such a horrible turn.

***

The first thing Waverly noticed when she woke up the next morning was how empty the bed felt. Their argument from the night before hung heavy in the air, making everything around her feel just a little bit wrong. She quickly dressed in the same clothes she’d worn the night before, made the bed neatly, and gave Calamity Jane a good scratch behind the ears before heading back to the homestead to talk to Wynonna.

“Oh baby girl, you _fucked up_ ,” Wynonna said with a low whistle as Waverly told her about what had happened the night before. “I mean, okay, Haught probably could have worded it better, I’ll give you that.” 

“I really don’t know what to do, Wynonna,” Waverly said, slumping forward at the kitchen table so her forehead was resting on the wood. “We slept in separate rooms last night after…uh…”

“After…?”

“Nicole had a…I don’t know, a panic attack or something.”

Wynonna raised her eyebrows in surprise and gestured for her sister to keep talking.

“We were in bed, about to…y’know-” 

“Yes, I’m quite sure I _do_ know.” Wynonna wrinkled her nose at the implication. 

“-and all of a sudden she started shaking and she couldn’t breathe and even though she said it wasn’t I can’t help feeling like it was my fault!”

“Okay…” Wynonna began slowly, “And then what happened? You didn’t just _leave_ her there, did you?”

“ _Of course not!_ ”

Wynonna raised her hands defensively. “I wasn’t saying you did!”

Waverly just rolled her eyes. “I got her a blanket and tried to get her to talk to me, but she just closed herself off and said she needed to be alone. And then when I woke up this morning, she’d already left for work.”

When she finished talking, Wynonna just eyed her sister for a minute.

“What time does she get off tonight?”

“It’s Friday, so…she usually doesn’t get home until late,” Waverly said uncertainly. “Why?”

“Because you’re gonna be waiting for her when she does,” Wynonna said simply. “You love that uptight redhead _way_ too much to let this turn into a thing, and I think you know that. I mean, you do _want_ to move in with her, don’t you?”

Waverly paused and thought about what that would mean for them.

Dinner together every night.

Nicole curling up around Waverly in _their_ bed after a long day at work.

Lazy weekend days spent reading quietly in the living room or on the porch, just enjoying each other’s mere presence.

“Yeah,” Waverly said quietly. “I really do. But how do you feel about having the homestead to yourself? I don’t want to abandon you or-”

“I swear to god, baby girl, if you _don’t_ move in with her I’ll kick your ass.”

Waverly laughed, but Wynonna just stared at her, eyebrows raised and her expression dead serious.

“Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do with your life,” Wynonna said with a shrug, “but you didn’t see her while you were gone.”

“I thought you two spent the whole time not speaking to each other,” Waverly said, confused.

Wynonna sighed. “Okay, so, we weren’t exactly on ‘speaking terms’,” she said, making air quotes for emphasis, “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice how she was dealing. Maybe cut her some slack, because there’s probably a lot going on with Sheriff Haught Shit.”

Waverly knew her sister was right. They needed to have a proper conversation about the night before, and it had to happen soon.

***

Sitting on Nicole’s front steps while she waited for her to come home from work, Waverly couldn’t help but feel just a little foolish. She could have used her key and let herself in, but she didn’t want to startle Nicole, not after the way they’d left things. At least she had a book to occupy her while she waited.

Waverly didn’t have to wait long before Nicole’s cruiser pulled up in the driveway. She looked up at the sound of the car, hastily marking her page, and tried to make eye contact with the redhead before she opened the door. Nicole noticed her sitting there, and Waverly’s heart ached when she saw Nicole’s shoulders sag slightly.

“I’m not here to fight,” Waverly said quickly, as soon as Nicole was within earshot.

Nicole didn’t say anything, only looked at Waverly like she wasn’t sure she believed her.

“I _promise_ , Nicole.”

Nicole extended a hand, still silent, to help Waverly up from where she was perched on the porch steps.

“Let’s go inside,” Nicole said softly. She let go of Waverly’s hand to unlock the front door, and Waverly followed her inside.

While Nicole busied herself unpacking her lunch box in the kitchen, she watched as Waverly curled up in her usual spot on the couch in the living room. She pulled out her book again, and Nicole was momentarily distracted as she ran a hand absentmindedly through her long hair.

Standing at the kitchen counter, Nicole tried to calm the anxiety that was slowly starting to gather in her chest again. It was just Waverly, there was nothing for her to be so anxious about.

Except that everything had ended so abruptly the night before. Shame and embarrassment welled up as she thought about the conversation ahead of them, and Nicole braced herself against the counter as she took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself.

As she stood over the kitchen sink, gripping the counter, she heard soft footsteps behind her. 

“Hey.” Waverly’s voice pulled Nicole back to reality. “Where’d you go?” 

She gently rested a hand on Nicole’s shoulder, and Nicole turned to face her, positive that the anxiety and uncertainty that was threatening to overwhelm her was written all over her face.

“How did you-”

“Your whole body just got all tense. Usually, dishes aren’t that stressful.”

Nicole smiled. It was just like Waverly to notice something so small from so far away.

“I was just thinking, I guess.”

Waverly rested one hand on Nicole’s waist and gently stroked her cheek with her other thumb, studying Nicole’s face intently.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Nicole sighed and closed her eyes. Waverly’s touch was gentle and comforting, even as Nicole’s heart continued to race with anxiety. Her fingers gently curled around the back of Nicole’s neck, and Nicole wrapped her arms around Waverly’s waist as the shorter woman pulled her in close.

Even in spite of their height difference, Nicole buried her face in the side of Waverly’s neck. The lavender and vanilla scent of her soap lingered on Waverly’s skin, and Nicole breathed in deeply.

“Baby, whatever it is,” Waverly murmured, embracing Nicole tightly, “I promise…it’ll be okay. And we don’t have to talk right now; why don’t you go upstairs and change out of your work clothes, and I’ll make us some tea?”

When Nicole pulled back to meet Waverly’s eyes again, Waverly saw what looked like tears shining in her eyes.

“I’ll, uh…I’ll be right back,” Nicole mumbled roughly, pressing a hand to her eyes as if to stop the tears from falling. Waverly watched her hurry up the stairs and turned to the stove to heat up some water. While waiting for the kettle to boil, Waverly took it upon herself to take care of the dishes that were left in the sink and start the dishwasher.

Nicole returned just as Waverly set two mugs out on the coffee table in the living room. She had changed into sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, and Waverly noticed her eyes looked noticeably redder.

“Come sit,” Waverly said quietly. She settled herself in her usual spot, and Nicole sank down beside her, tucked herself into Waverly’s side, and drew her knees up to her chest. She felt Waverly’s arm wrap around her shoulders, her fingers finding the ends of Nicole’s hair to play with.

“Baby…” Waverly began tentatively, “I really am sorry about last night. About everything. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, and if I did anything to make you uncomfortable-”

“You didn’t. I really was with you until I…wasn’t.” Nicole winced at the memory from the night before “But I shouldn’t have sprung it on you,” she replied quietly, her voice cracking slightly. “I should have given you more time, it should have been more of a conversation.”

“No.” Waverly said firmly. “I, uh…I think you may have been right.”

Nicole looked over at her like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, her eyes wide. “Are you sure? What about-”

“I talked to Wynonna earlier today, and she practically _begged_ me to move out. Something about…walking in on us one too many times?” Waverly was relieved to see a small smile cross Nicole’s face at the comment. 

“Plus, with the way she’s been acting around Doc lately…” Waverly wrinkled her nose and shuddered. “Something tells me she won’t exactly be _alone_ out at the homestead.” She kissed Nicole’s forehead gently and pulled her in a little closer. “But Nicole…I _know_ that’s not why you’re upset.”

“Baby, I had a full meltdown on my guest room _bed!_ _Naked!_ ”

Nicole didn’t mean to sound so aggressive, but she couldn’t help it. Her cheeks burned as she thought about what had happened, and she tried to pull away. Waverly kept a strong arm around Nicole’s shoulders; she wasn’t going to let Nicole close herself off again.

“ _Clearly_ something is bothering you, Nicole,” Waverly murmured. “I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Her gentle tone only made Nicole feel worse. There was so much she needed to say, but she had no idea where to begin. Nicole felt emotion rise in her chest again, but this time leaned into Waverly’s embrace, allowing the smaller woman to comfort her. She threaded the fingers of her left hand through Waverly’s and stared at the matching rings they both wore. The rings they’d picked out together after Waverly left the hospital.

With two gentle fingers under her chin, Waverly turned Nicole’s face to meet hers, and captured her lips in a long, slow kiss.

“I really love you, you know,” she said quietly, resting her forehead against Nicole’s.

That was all it took. Hot, quiet tears spilled down Nicole’s cheeks as she finally allowed herself to open up to Waverly.

About the anxiety that she’d been trying to manage on her own for over a year, ever since she found out the truth about what was really going on in Purgatory.

About the guilt she felt every time she thought of Dolls, of Julian, of all the times the Earp sisters had saved her life.

About the nightmares that still haunted her, and how they had changed when Waverly went into the garden.

Waverly listened quietly as Nicole talked, only interjecting when she had a clarifying question or to gently encourage her to continue. With her free hand, she periodically brushed away the tears that ran, hot and fast, down Nicole’s cheeks. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” She repeated over and over. The quiet affirmation was all she could say to comfort the redhead who was trembling in her arms.

Nicole had forced herself to be strong for all of them, even when she was injured and close to dying. Waverly felt a huge stab of guilt at the thought that she hadn’t noticed a thing.

“It’ll be okay, baby,” Waverly murmured when Nicole, exhausted from talking, burst into frustrated tears and buried her face in Waverly’s chest. Waverly cradled Nicole’s head against her and let her girlfriend release everything she’d been keeping in. “Whatever you need…I’m here.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Nicole stammered as her tears began to subside. “I d-didn’t know-” She was silenced by Waverly’s finger on her lips.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Waverly said. “ _Nothing_. You’ve been keeping all of this inside for too long, and _I’m_ sorry we haven’t talked about it. I shouldn’t have assumed everything was fine.”

Nicole was quiet for another minute. Waverly kept her arms wrapped tight around her and felt her breathing grow steadier and calmer.

“What do you need from me?” Waverly asked quietly. Nicole sat up a little straighter, still shaky, and Waverly ran her fingers through her short red locks as she scanned her face for any clue about how she was feeling. Her expressive, dark eyes were wide with anxiety and red around the edges, and her body language betrayed how vulnerable she clearly felt.

Looking at her, Waverly was suddenly mortified that she had questioned Nicole’s intentions the night before. Of _course_ she wasn’t trying to force Waverly and her sister apart. Nicole understood how much Wynonna meant to her; all she wanted was to have her own space with Waverly. 

Because she loved her.

Because she was going to be Waverly’s wife.

“Nicole, I really am sorry about how I reacted last night,” Waverly said quietly. “I, uh…I think I was just scared.”

There was a pause before Nicole responded.

“I still scare you?”

Nicole raised her eyebrows, and her dimples popped out as she smiled. It was the same comforting, reassuring smile she’d given Waverly that afternoon on Nedley’s couch, and the same kind of warmth spread through Waverly’s chest.

Waverly just nodded, unable to keep herself from grinning like a lovestruck fool.

“We’ll be okay, right?” Nicole asked, smile flickering for a moment as a flash of uncertainty crossed her face. “Even after…everything? All of this?”

In response, Waverly just leaned forward and kissed Nicole. She grabbed a fistful of Nicole’s sweatshirt in one hand while holding her head steady with the other. After several seconds, when she finally needed to come up for air, Waverly rested her forehead against Nicole’s gently.

“We _are_ okay, Nicole.”

Nicole closed her eyes as she let Waverly hold her, and noticed the knot in her chest had disappeared completely.

“I’m exhausted,” Nicole sighed, a tired laugh escaping from her. “Can we just go to bed?”

“Absolutely.”

As she got ready for bed, Waverly watched Nicole intently as she went about her own nighttime routine. There was something different about how she moved as she turned down the bed and applied the vanilla-scented lotion Waverly loved so much. She looked…lighter.

Once Nicole had stretched out in bed, Waverly laid down on her side facing the redhead.

“Hey, Nicole?”

“Mm?”

Nicole rolled over onto her side to face Waverly. Waverly took Nicole’s hand in her own and kissed her knuckles gently before threading their fingers together and giving Nicole’s hand a light, comforting squeeze.

“Can you promise me something?” Waverly asked.

“Sure.”

Nicole’s eyes were already starting to take on the adorably dopey look she got when she was particularly sleepy, and Waverly smiled.

“Promise me that you’ll _talk_ to me? I don’t care how crazy things get, I want you to tell me when things are feeling like too much to handle. It shouldn’t have to get to this point before you let on that anything’s wrong. Not when we’re going to be living together. Not when we’re getting _married_.”

Nicole was quiet as she considered what Waverly was saying, and a small smile crossed her face as she nodded slowly in response.

“I think I can promise that, yeah.”

That night, Nicole let Waverly hold her as she drifted off to sleep and for the first time in months, she wasn’t bothered by a single nightmare.

Maybe things would turn out okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> If you stuck with me through all that, thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought!
> 
> Though, please do go easy on me for the almost-but-not-quite smut. It's been a long time since ya girl's gone even THAT far.
> 
> PLEASE come yell at me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/unsaltysaltines)!


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